mall of america

I fell off the face of the earth briefly (i.e. went to MOA and it took me this long to reassimilate). Actually, I had a very down to earth experience at the Mall of America. My relationship with the mall is this: I hate myself for loving it. I love it because I always leave before I feel satiated. I have never once gotten my fill of the Mall of America. I should just commit to spending a whole afternoon there some day so that I will get the whole thing out of my system. I am never disappointed by the mall. I'm not deluded. I know there is going to be mediocre food for high prices and kids screaming in toyland and that 90% of the shops are an insult to humanity. There will be hoochies and ho-bags and posers and delinquents and mall rats and mall chicks and 300-lb women further encumbered by their unnecessary purchases. The only stores I can afford to shop in will be ankle deep in clothing that no one bothered to pick up off the floor. The frozen yogurt I treat myself to stands a 50/50 chance of tasting more like plastic explosives than any distinguishable flavor. But I accept all of this. I surrender to it.

We had an hour and a half to shop before close. Have you ever walked into a Forever 21 store at this hour? The place is in bad shape. 1/2 the merchandise has footprints on it. The key is to realize that you are not going to leave with your dignity intact. After which it is surprisingly easy to lose yourself in the fruits of so much East Asian child labor. I guess this blog is making me feel bad, so here is a budget outline to keep you super frugal.

light rail pass: $1.50 each way (non-peak)
boca burger at Johnny Rockets: $4.99
frozen yogurt: $2.69 for smallest size
child labor dress: $22.80

$35 dollars per person and you are all set to rock out summer in your new dress. And you can do it again next year because your dress will be broken by then.