lake calhoun holiday

This excursion is best if you can play hooky. If you wake up feeling like work might not be such a good idea (no need to explain yourself), you're a prime candidate for lake therapy. I should warn you- this therapy ends with a fish taco and slush puppie, so if you are not faking it- just go to work. As for hooky, I recommend a jaunt around the lake via whatever means presents itself. You've got all day, so why not stroll? It facilitates staring. I promise you that there will be occasions when you want to stop and stare at people around you. Say, for instance, when you happen across the tannest man ever to exist above 35 degrees N latitude. I could give you a detailed description, as he is almost always 90% nude and posing for an abdominal count, but that will not be necessary. When you see this man, you will think to yourself 'that is the tannest man I've ever seen.' You will be wrong. There are plenty of guys that tan below 35 degrees N latitude, but you get the point. Other things you may have to pause for reflection on: any puppy- even if some bitch is walking it (dog term, totally cool), muscled out guys playing volleyball, baby turtles, topless girls thinking they don't count because they are lying facedown (hey babe, still topless, so I will stare at you until you feel uncomfortable), anyone who falls down trying to do something ballsy, kids way out of control in front of their passive parents, bikers in the walk lane, people getting in a fight, anyone severely burned by the sun, windsurfers, etc. The lake is a three-mile circuit, so you'll work up an appetite. I do not suggest doing laps, as this will put your appetite way out of the cheap adventure range. There is a snack stand on the north end of Calhoun that sells hotdogs and cotton candy. Better to save yourself for The Tin Fish. Just look at the line.

(oops, I forgot I zoomed in to eavesdrop on these guys. He was saying "we always used to go sledding at that hill, until we found a bunch of dead hookers there." WHAT HILL? Eavesdropping such a tease)

Anyway, lots of fishy foods. I've only ever had a mahi taco. Delicious. But I've stared at a lot of people who all seemed to really enjoy a wide variety of other things. Here's a vague idea of what they have to offer. Vague, as in blurry.

So while I cannot quote an exact cost on this adventure, I would say $9 will get you far. Technically, right back to where you started.