living room makeover

I spent $3.50 on a children's costume at the Salvation Army that I thought I could fit into. I then spent 3 hours modifying it in order to get it over my head and on my body. After so much investment ($3.50 + 3 hours = $3.50), I was determined to wear this thing to work at the restaurant today. I could be a goddess of wine or a goddess of beer or a pasta fairy or a .... The costume is so benign it boggles the mind. I gave up on it.

I am dressing up as a living room instead.

what ifs

We are replacing light blue carpet with a rustic wood floor in the bedroom. All because on the last Sunday of September I thought out loud, 'what if we ripped the carpet out of the bedroom.' Travis is new to my what ifs. He acts on them immediately. I hate to think if we had been friends when I was five. I used to walk around the barn wondering aloud, 'what if our whole family had to live in this horse stall?', 'what if our whole family had to live in the horse trailer? Mom and Dad could live in the tack compartment...', 'What if our whole family had to live in the wagon?'

The floor will be a challenge. (see raw materials)

For the record, I still think we could live in the horse trailer in a pinch.

pumpkin

for real

11 ft zipper

I bought a 10 x 11 ft rug on my birthday. I found it at a garage sale for $75, of which I paid $60. In hind site, if anyone practically throws an oversize oriental rug at you for $60, either someone died on it or it smells like cat pee. In both cases, I recommend Nature's Miracle. It turned our 10 x 11 ft litterbox into something I have totally rubbed my nose against while breathing in.

Enough pitch. The rug is way too big. Travis suggested installing a zipper down the center, after removing a cross-section. The idea grew on me with time. The catch- I needed the perfect 11' 4'' zipper. Enter Zippersource. You could make a slipcover for the world. Our zipper arrived in the mail yesterday. It is a heavyweight antique brass work of art. Stay tuned for the finished project.

pastry

I have been wanting a marble slab for pastry since a visit to my sister's place in April. On Saturday the neighbor placed a 28" square piece of marble next to his garbage can. By Wednesday I was rolling croissant dough from Baking With Julia on the slab, retrofitted to a section of countertop with a saw blade purchased at Menards. $30 for the blade and a leap of faith. On Thursday- croissants for lunch (and dinner). They were exceptional croissants, only because you cannot help but appreciate anything so consuming of two days' time.

alterations

It is funny how these things happen. I obsess momentarily about whether or not to buy pretzel bread at Kowalski's- a soft pretzel in the form of a demibaguette. I skirt the corner of my favorite coffee shop in order to finish chewing my pretzel bread before entering. I often enter this coffee shop while chewing and have no desire to be that girl who always walks in chewing something. The momentary detour brings me face to face with a sandwich board advertising the adjacent alterations boutique. I swallow, enter the boutique, and offer my free services. Without pause, the owner sizes me up and tells me to show up next Thursday at 11AM.

pillow covers

If you want to impress someone, sew a zipper into anything. You are basically taking credit for how inherently cool a zipper is. I have been experimenting with making pillow covers. My new best friend- a little blue seam ripper. There is no method to the madness. First, I sew a zipper into a piece of fabric. Then, I figure out how to make that fabric part of a pillow cover. I've been stealing random squares of mesmerizing vintage fabrics from a few old quilt pieces I have acquired. It is a tricky business, paying respect to the labor of our elders by painstakingly unraveling the fruits of it. Stay tuned for quilted bangle bracelets- a longheld dream.

iDye

Projects beget projects. Last Thursday, a project requiring high-gloss white paint led to a high-gloss white patch on the elbow of my otherwise black jacket. I lifted my arm from the workbench and realized that the lid from the paint can was stuck to me. Never a good sign. I immediately soaked the arm of my jacket, brushed it vigorously with a retired toothbrush, and doused it with paint thinner. All for naught.

Enter iDye. I cannot heap praises on iDye. It requires a large pot and stirring device that will never again be used for preparing food. No one owns a giant pot for uses other than cooking. It's the equivalent of telling my mother that she can never again use her serrated knife to cut the twine from bales of hay down in the barn. I used a cooking pot anyway. A cheap pot we've been thinking of getting rid of and a metal spatula slated for Goodwill. Then thoroughly cleaned them with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser before washing them.

I now have a jet-black jacket with barely distinguishable white stains and bright white pillow shams with barely distinguishable black stains. #1 rule of dovetailing- don't even think of dying something black while brightening your whites.

bikini repair

How to Not Be Topless in 5 Minutes or Less

4 years ago I bought a tube top bikini on sale at Old Navy. It has nautical stripes and can easily be mistaken for Ralph Lauren if you squint hard enough. It is all I can ask for in a swimsuit with one minor exception. Every instance of me wearing this bikini ends with the top spontaneously falling off me. The clasp is wily and I am stubborn. This sounds more provocative than it actually is. I somehow always manage to pin my arms to my body with a superhuman strength that has failed to manifest itself in any other circumstance, thus preventing toplessness.

2 days ago I finally took action. I removed the clasp entirely and sewed the back ends together. This took all of five minutes. Save for my sudden urges to jump into deep water from heights of 20 feet or more (keep it to yourself, Jame-O), there is virtually no chance that my bikini top will leave my body against my will. Ho hum.

farewell to sushi snake

Sometimes turning over a new leaf requires getting rid of a few things. Sorry sushi snake. It was great while it lasted.


I recently got rid of many cherished things. The plastic/yarn needlework pitcher last seen bearing tulips, my blue Dolce Vita suede pumps that I had never worn, the red roses hat made from upholstery pilfered from a chair found by the dumpster, the dress I wore to Matt and Liz's wedding, my Big City Junk book, etc. I cherish things too readily.

This October, I am getting rid of things via making other things out of them. This will involve ripping up many dear old textiles that I have carried with me, unused, for years. I will be adding a zipper to a beautiful 11'x 10' threadbare rug, making curtains out of things not intended to be curtains, experimenting with leather handicrafts, getting my cross-stitch on, and making pillows for the first time. It should be fun.

first project- Curtains made out of top piece of a rather homely quilt. $4 at a garage sale where they apparently believe our grandmothers should be working in sweatshops. I am in the deconstruction stages on this one.